Everyone builds up a part of themselves to overshadow other little things that may not be as sparkling as what's built up. And lately, I find myself guilty of that. In the spirit of being real with folks, I gotta admit...I'm pretty much lost.
Jack-of-all-trades and master of none. My interests and my attention span is all over the place and I wonder if I'm really the disaster I currently think I am. I am incredibly difficult on myself and I sometimes disregard small successes and brush them off as one time occurances. I'm kind of stuck in a rut.
As much as I hate to admit it, I feel left behind. And it's true. I have been left behind and now I'm stagnant. I lie to myself...even on this blog. I haven't really advertised this one since I've started it, only because I don't write for others, I write for myself. I feel slight comfort in knowing that I'm able to post some deep thoughts with an air of anonymity. That this is only one side of the story that I rarely let others see. I can say dumb, opinionated things and not have to defend them further than what I type at that moment.
I feel like starting over, and I even thought about the "what ifs". The feeling even seeped out in an e-mail to a friend where I expressed how awesome I think it would be to just leave New York without any warning and not come back. The reply back was, "if you ever leave without telling me, I will hunt you down and rip your face off."
She cares.
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1 comment:
Thanks for writing this.
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