Oriental.

I had a rude awakening today. More so of a wake up call...a call to question....what exactly am I living for? Am I living to work in order to pay my bills? Or am I going through the motions and doing things 24 year olds normally do? What is the point of all that I am...all that I am a part of...or even what is the point of what I've done?

A station came to visit me in order to acquire some of my business. I went through the normal song and dance routine of what clients I have on my plate right now and what I could and could not offer at this point in time. Then came the bombshell...we traded information within the confines of my office. She looks and my last name and glances back at me. "This isn't an Oriental name." She went on with the assumption..."Well, you must be half-Italian...", and my favorite, "Oh you're Filipino, then do you know.....?" Because all of us Filipinos MUST know eachother.

In my mind I had all sorts of answers ready to call her out on her ignorance. But in the end, I just stood there looking at her, shocked. I am livid...not only at her and this pathetic situation but moreso at myself. Why did I not act upon my gut reaction? This is exactly the situation that I've rehearsed so many times in my mind, should something come up. Now that it has, I am kicking myself in the ass for missing the opportunity to stand up not just for myself for a cause that I've dedicated myself to ever since first discussing discrimination and ignorace at FIND Dialogue so many years ago.

I'm so disappointed in myself...there are ways to appease the situation, but I missed a key opportunity to stand up and speak out.

I've lost it. There is no more point for me to go on doing what I'm doing...